Wednesday, 12 June 2013

A Condition.

How did we go from the naked child, to the naked man? I heard my father once muse. One happy and oblivious, the other aware and miserable. Beside me, a woman was naked, and I was not happy. I thought if I could take a portrait of E, she would be naked, if I could paint her, she would be naked too - it is how I saw her. There is no perversion here for I am not instantly excited at the sight of her nudity but rather, like a man of analysis, drawn by the prolonged view of it. A view that does not age - it remains like good art suspended on a grand wall, not to be forgotten, but instead, to be gazed upon, and to be discovered within: beauty - again and again - as a scientist would in the vastness of the night sky the existence of new stars. It was a numerous and arduous task, and that did not require the nuisance of clothing.

Within her flesh I sought her heart, within her heart, I sought her love, within her love, I sought - like an innocent child in need of tending - me. In her every molecule, I found the atom that was I - two separate entities bonded to make a whole. But she would not know this until long had passed and the memory of her had begun to fade in me. A man of love seeks what a man of science hunts. They are kindred souls in their quest; like voyagers, setting out to seek new lands in an old world. That is what I sought in her. Do you know the word for it?

The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death

There are some nights I dream of a man, his hands in his pockets, peering into the night sky before the shores of a calm ocean. And there, with a tired smile upon his face, like one who is set with a laborious but welcomed task, seeks new stars as they litter the horizon. He must be a man of science, the narrator of my dream tends to suggest, but I half believe that the man is I, and the sky, her. A man full of love seeks in his beloved what a man full of science hunts in the stars.